TF's Stage 4 cancer & Other Stuff

TF has been diagnosed with Stage 4 uterine cancer. It came as a shock to the entire family. Tomorrow, she will be having her second chemotherapy treatment. For the first cycle, she has seven more sessions to go. That would be another two months. She should be in Singapore till June, at least. Praying for God's healing upon her and most of all, that she will have a joyful spirit and be full of courage and faith.

Also, recently learnt of Aunty J and Uncle L's official break-up and both of them are in their 70s. Such is the unpredictability of love and life. I remember Aunty J got married at 40. She has been married for a good 30 years though they have lived apart for quite a number of years.

Listening to Zhang Boli's sermon with mum online right now and he admonished us to be overcomers in life. With Christ as our Lord, we can be overcomers in this earthly life.

Moving on

20 days without contact and I hope that it will only continue to multiply by 20 and soon P will be but a faint memory as a forgettable mere acquaintance in my life, as I must have been in his.

I will move on to brighter and better days. I know that life will once again be fuller and more meaningful. When I let go of people and things that are toxic and harmful, only good can come out of that decision. I will rejoice in the Lord.

Sorry, no goodbye P - we be acquaintances then...

I have to write an entry today because hopefully, my fifth and final attempt at "uncoupling" from P will be successful, Lord willing and keeping all my fingers and toes crossed.

The attachment has been a rather long drawn and emotionally expensive one aside from the fact that it has cost me quite a number of nights of sleepless nights, with close friends worrying about me and worrying with me through out the past couple of months.

There were moments when I had drawn very much more intimately to Jesus because of the pain felt in this relationship. However, at this juncture, I have decided it is not a healthy and godly relationship to engage further in. I need to use my head and stick with it.

Meilin - We miss you and we love you

Last Friday, just five days ago, Meilin, you breathed your last.

It was a shocking news to family and friends.
To all who know you and love you for who you were, for who you still are in our hearts and minds, we miss you.

Never did we quite expect that you would have made such a sudden exit, at the peak of your career, as the Executive Director of ABM, having tirelessly worked so hard and so long for the past eight years in that position.

A stalwart of the banking industry. A banking icon. A class act.

You were driven, passionate and filled with enthusiasm and life for work and family.

Our loss and grief is deep. But we will carry a little bit of Meilin in our hearts for the rest of our lives.

Rest in peace. We know you are with Him who knows and loves you best.

Thank you for giving the very best of yourself to us.

We love you. I wish we had told you more often.

Surreal

After I have deleted my Wechat account yet again in an attempt to cut off ties with P before starting 2017 proper, I was led to discover that YL knows him from church by a different name, while P is his middle name. It feels somewhat surreal that the decision to let go of a person has led to the discovery of something more of a person. But such is life. 

Got back in touch

After going cold turkey for about six weeks, I got back in touch with P again this morning. His reply was pretty classic, "Good Morning with a Sunshiny Face [and sunglasses]" and a "Who is that?" I replied with my Christmas greeting pic and a belated Christmas greeting to him and his family. Then, he went on with, "Hi there. You're back. Blessed Christmas. What are your plans for NYE?"

So, what does this means for me in 2017? Can I go back to just "being friends" with P?

YL's 39th Birthday today

Today is my buddy YL's 39th birthday. Ten years ago, back in 2006, we were co-workers still at EAST. Then, she was 29. How time flies. Glad we're still in touch through these past decade. We've been travel buddies - did a road trip from Perth to Albany, flew to Kl, Penang and Taipei/Hualien together. Oftentimes with our two other faithful buddies G and GP and in earlier times, PC too. YL has always been a friend who readily lends a listening ear to me. I am thankful for her friendship and I pray for God's richest blessings upon her.

Last Counselling Session with Pam this year

It was a good wrap up with Pam today.

I am reminded of why the relationship with P was a co-dependent relationship, unhealthy one.

I am glad I am out of it and I do intend to stay out of it despite having entertained thoughts of keeping in touch with him. I will not do so. That is for the best.

Dad had not been to Bangkok

In his lifetime, dad had travelled to Australia, Japan and China. However, during his final days, he lamented to mum that he had not been to Bangkok. Perhaps it was because mum went there with sis and had a good holiday there. Perhaps it was because Bangkok seemed so near and yet it was too far for him to travel to, by the time my dad's health was too frail. It seemed that he felt a tinge of regret for not having been to a neighbouring country which was so near yet so far.

No idea why this thought just popped into my head today. Oh, I think it was because on FB, I just viewed some pics of relatives visiting Bangkok. That just brought to mind dad's last unfulfilled wishes.

It should be an inspiration for me to visit and travel to all the places I wish to see in my own lifetime and not live with deathbed regrets like dad.

Memories

I want to remember him with kindness, a gentle heart and love.

Reflections on P

Last night's counselling with SH brought fresh insights and healing to me. I am glad I went for the second session and I am looking forward to my third session on 12 Jan.

It made reflect on my relationship with P. I was able to see both the good and bad in him. I realised I loved him rather deeply, which was why I also felt I have been deeply betrayed by what had recently happened.

I pray that living in this grey area of seeing the good and bad in him will help me come to terms with what had happened. Why I decided to cut off contact with him and move on. How I can put my energies to better use to improve and heal my life. Pray that I will draw closer to God. Truly forgive him from my heart. Let go of my hurts. Move on.