1st Post in December

I realised for the entire month of November, I missed out on my blog entry this year. Ah, what a pity. I had thought I would at least have made an entry a month. Alas, November went by without one! But still, I was glad my faithful tradition of meeting up with EL was kept up, although it was a belated celebration of her birthday on 30 Nov instead of the 23rd. As I had spent the 23rd celebrating Illary's 10th birthday at Pizzaface with a heart-shaped Lana Chocolate Cake and a pizza/pasta meal together with ST & Elsa too. 

Also, I was busy sending out hedgehog coasters, and cute shiba inn and kitty cat coasters to different ones, near and far. It was a pleasant surprise to receive a packed of assorted flavoured Kit Kats from Dom & LP (all the way from Kanazawa), a brown long sleeve chiffon blouse from Daphne&Robin, and a specially curated calendar of my fave pics from Siao Yen (from Miri) all in the month of Nov. I think I received two pairs of earrings (from Lee Tzu & Josie). Lee Tzu gave me a Christmas ornament too (a glass Santa) and CCH+Margaret gave a box of chocolates which I shared with the A Team and eventually gave the rest to EK (and his kids). I gave a double portion of coasters to JW & family but not sure if any reached them although the registered mail ones should reach them. The reason was the first post had probably gone missing and I was a bit sad. In any case, I don't think those coasters meant much to them. He seemed to have been ignoring me since 25 Nov (US Thanksgiving), over two weeks. I feel a bit sore but that is that. Should not be overly emotional over a relationship that most likely will not amount to anything much beyond former co-workers, despite me having an inordinate amount of affection for the person. 

Finding a right match in life is no easy feat and not everyone in the world find their "happily ever after". I am quite okay with living my life without finding "a life partner", if that is God's will for me. I am open, if God has someone in mind, but God, only You know if such a person exists. Not my will, but Yours. 

I am thankful for mum, siblings, sister-in-law, cousins, aunts, uncles, close friends, god daughters, co-workers, good neighbours, new brothers and sisters in Christ I have come to know in my DG and people in the Residents Network Committee, as well as OCF Alumni Network friends and TCF friends from across Southeast Asia. I am thankful for the EAST Community too and the EAST Alumni Network although my bonds with them have not been that particularly close this past year. I have not been very intentional in cultivating deep bonds with people in the EAST Community due to remote working. 

Reconnecting with old JC friends has been a bonus. I thank God for them - Meirong, Peiling, Margaret, Janice, Wai Sen, Peijing & Sin Lee. Covid has also made me draw closer to a few in the OCF gang - like Dom & LP, Daphne & Robin, Jeff & Grace, David & Jess. It was also good to have caught up with Lucy & JF in person.  

Looking forward to Boxing Day Lunch with Wing Poh & Rebecca, Dickson & Bel, & Cat. Hope to get to know them better as brothers and sisters in Christ. 

2nd Post in Oct

I need to wean myself from my communication with JW. Lord, please help me, I pray. I should really refrain from initiating any more texts with him even if he replies. I bet he is thinking the same about not wanting to reply me or he just has no bandwidth to handle communication with me as I am pretty low down on his priority in terms of the friendships/relationships he has at hand. I need to have greater respect and love for me. :)

1st Post in Oct

Today, JW has started work at a new work place, a tech company I think. His last Zoom meeting with our Advancement Team was on Monday, 27 Sep. That was also his last official day with EAST. On Thursday, 30 Sep, we had Zoom meeting with JW and I guess the feeling that he has really left us finally sank in. Sigh.

Has it only been a year ago that this young, handsome, jaunty guy stepped in EAST and a year later just as quickly stepped out? What a lot of difference a year has made! 

Lunch incident

This afternoon, JW teased me by saying I got to sit by myself for lunch because Jonathan will sit with EK and he wants to sit with Aitee. It was a silly prank but I found it mean and hurtful. I told him it was done in bad taste, that it was mean and I was hurt and he quickly apologised over text. Upon some text exchanges, I will be getting a gourmet burger meal lunch apology out of him tmw. Haha! That makes me happy after all the unhappiness I felt today. Hopefully the burger does get delivered to the correct address.

Anyways, is this considered our first or second fight and make-up incident? Previously he said something that made me uncomfortable and I told him about it over text as well. He is quite speedy in apologising but the problem is that with close contact, we will probably have more opportunities for greater conflicts. These are definite red flags to watch out for. Better to keep a safe distance from him especially after his stint at EAST has ended - which is likely to be a natural course of events, Lord willing.

3rd Post

This is my third post for September. JW's last working day with EAST is this Friday, 17 Sep. But I think the last face to face meeting I will get to see him will be on Thursday, 16 Sep. Oh, 18 Sep is both Li Ping's 47th and Peace's 18th birthdays.  Well, last Saturday, 11 Sep was Imel's 47th birthday and I am glad she was happy with the bouquet I sent her. On Sunday, Sue, Imel and I had a fun get-together to have a belated celebration for Imel. I gifted Imel a scarf which I hope she liked too. 

Dom was sharing about how we used to write longer emails with more spiritual insight and depth in our Uni days. These days, hardly anyone write these long emails anymore. Well, until Grace mentioned that she just wrote one to her family. Lol. And Dom mentioned that Christine Thien writes them once in two years. I guess they are the rare ones. Most of us survive on WhatsApp text messages, FB, IG and Twitter to connect. At least, I do. 

Siow Yen and I have a pact to remind each other to sleep earlier when we can. So I just reminded her when I saw her on FB Messenger at 1am. Haha! She mentioned she'll go sleep soon after a shower. I promised I will do the same after a journal entry. Hopefully, I will get sleepy enough soon.

Binny sent a wedding pic from 18 years ago and this year, her youngest sister Karen is getting married to a guy from Shanghai. I do wish Karen a lifetime of marital happiness ahead! But most of all, I pray that she would know Jesus as her Lord and Saviour too - both she and her husband to be!

1st date with Elsa - 7 Sep

Tuesday, 7 Sep, and I had a lunch & movie date with Elsa, my elder goddaughter, our first date by ourselves. We had lunch at Secret Recipe at Plaza Sing. She had Nasi Goreng with Satay and Earl Grey tea with a packet of sugar. I had Grilled Chicken with Mushroom Sauce and White Coffee to go with it. The meal was about $40. The tix for the movie Sinkhole was about $17. The salted popcorn, two ice-lemon teas (one for Elsa and another for Illa) and my latte was about $16. The parking was $7. In all, the budget for our outing was roughly $80 but the memories for the day, priceless. Elsa introduced me to her favourite Sword Shop called Caesar. She showed me her current read called "Ten types of humans". I gave her a prayer journal and just simply enjoyed her company. 

I pray for Elsa to grow to be a God-fearing, God-loving lady who glorifies God in all her ways. In Jesus' name I pray, amen. Lord, give ST the wisdom to lead and guide her. I pray for Illa to grow well in the household together with ST and Elsa - may she continue to enjoy the favour and love of her mum and sister all the days of her life. 

September Holidays

The one week September Holidays has officially started for school age kids. Tomorrow I have a date with my elder goddaughter Elsa, to catch the Korean disaster movie "Sinkhole", picked by her. We will watch it at Plaza Sing at 1:50pm, a Tuesday afternoon, my day off. 

Today being a Monday, I normally have Advancement Meetings with Jon, Aitee, EK and Josh but as the past weekend was a MG Ministry Weekend - both Jon and EK were kept busy with their MGs. Jon decided to give our team (and himself) a break this morning. We will meet this Thursday instead.  Josh only has 11 more work days with EAST, his last day being 17 Sep. Counting down to his last official day - will miss him for sure. Pray that he stays contactable as an EAST Volunteer.  =)

Yesterday, I had a very lovely, encouraging and edifying afternoon at home with Lu & JF over chicken pies and prayers. It was JF's first visit to my home and he gifted me a box of yummy low sugar egg custard mooncakes. Lucy gifted me a beautiful cushion cover with the picture of two happy children and a hedgehog staring at some fishes in a Happy Kids Aquarium. We had conversations about resourcing our regional partners with teaching materials and what JF has been up to with the BSF Men's Chinese Bible Study School Programme. We also caught up with JF's recent health scare of an unexplained heart attack. It was just an engaging time of catching up. I enquired about Wen Tin's friend who knew sign language and wanted to teach. That was something Lu could have input in, so I was glad.

We ended our time praying for the different issues we had conversations over, and prayed for the different friends who could not join us that afternoon too. God has been faithful in keeping us close to Him. Pray that we will continue to keep faithfully walking with God.

End of August, we had a family birthday celebration for sis at Bishan - with Kor, Binny, Josh joining in the celebrations. Jie ordered a keto friendly Ondeh Ondeh birthday cake and a keto friendly chocolate cake. We also had take-outs from Belo, Amos' restaurant along Upper Thomson Road. On Jie's actual birthday on 2 Sep, she took mum out for lunch at Open Farm Community Farm & Restaurant, and at night, three of us went to The Majestic restaurant at Marina One, near the Marina Bay Financial Centre (MBFC) area.  

By the way, just two nights ago, I have sold away my Rainbow Vaccum Cleaner for $500. Mum was a little upset as she believes I have made a bad financial decision for selling it at such a low price. But it was taking up space and I was hardly using it - much like a white elephant - so I thought it might serve a better purpose in another household. That's that. In the first place, it was probably an impulse buy that I should not have bought. An expensive lesson learnt - I hope. 

On forming intimate relationships

I wonder often how it is that even though I have quite a number of close friends, yet I have never really been able to have formed a strong intimate relationship with just one guy for a prolonged period of time. Are there still parts of me that still require healing from? Is it because I do not love and accept all of me, which is why I am not able to love and accept all of another person?

In any case, I can only hope and pray that in time to come, I will be more healed from the different traumas I have encountered in my life and I will be able to love people more fully, especially a special someone that God, if He so desire, may send my way, someday, soon. Haha.  

On Intimacy - notes from a lecture by Roy Tan

The transformation of being an intimate person rests on the work of the Holy Spirit. Whoever has my commandments and keeps them is the One who loves me. It is more important in intimacy, how the other person feels, rather than how I feel. Do not be ego-centric and think only of ourselves. Intimacy is brought about by the gospel. Brokenness and humility affects intimacy. If the Son of Man can do nothing on His own, what more for each of us? God putting on flesh is as deep as broken humility can get. A fish swims because it is a fish. Live out compassion, kindness, humility. Learn not to hide but speak the truth in love. Venture out and speak the truth in love. "This is my Son. Listen to Him." Sometimes our past holds us back. God is very specific when he brings closure to our past. 

Be broken and humble. Be confident in our new identity in Christ and don't hide.

Listen to Christ. Imitate Him in dealing with sin in our lives and our relationships.

Ann's Passing on 28 Jul

Since my last entry on Nicolas' passing, my former EAST colleague Ann Lim also went home to the Lord, on 28 July. She has been diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer for over a year, since April 2020 or so. Her condition got more serious in August when she formed a whatsapp group for friends to pray for her which I was part of. My last telephone conversation with Ann was sometime in March or April 2021 before her condition deteriorated so badly that she became monosyllabic and finally was bed-ridden and non-communicative too. She was admitted into St Andrew's Community Hospital in June 2021. Those were her last two months of her final journey on earth. 

We really never know when God will take back the people He puts into our lives, and Ann is just one such person. A loving friend, a big sister-in-Christ and someone who loves the Lord dearly. I can recall how I was the first person to welcome her to EAST at the EAST Library at Dorset Road and I remember having a farewell lunch with her together with Jonathan and Karen at Sumire Yakitori Restaurant at Bugis Junction. In between our first and last meetings, we shared conversations, jokes, meals and EAST retreats at Changi Village Hotel. Her journey on earth is done and I am certain that she is now at rest with her Beloved. I never thought I would miss her as much as I do now. Lord, I wished I had loved her more. 

Meanwhile, Lord, help me to love those around me more, while they are on earth.    

Nic's Passing & Other Things

The day after I wrote about JF's heart attack, I received news of Nic's passing - Amy's husband in Adelaide. Amy sent me a text on FB messenger in Chinese describing him being found already unconscious in the church toilet - in fact dead, likely passed on due to a heart attack. That happened last Tuesday. Amy is coping with suddenly being a young widow and single mum of two young boys aged 5 (Josiah) and 2 (Joshua). Last Friday, I had written a post about Nic but YK had told me to pull out the post and reschedule it two weeks later. She also informed me to get Amy's permission before posting. In the end, with Joshua's added advice to really wait for Amy's reply, I got a negative to post from her. The post was totally dumped.  I guess even though I had worked at it, I was glad not to publish it as it would have gone against Amy's wishes at this juncture where she is already at immense shock, sorrow and suffering. 

Lord, why do you give each of us such different trials and tribulations to go through in life? Ultimately, to test the genuineness of our faith in our Lord Jesus Christ and bring all glory back to You when all's well that ends well? If not here on earth, then till we meet You face to face in heaven? Most of all, to show us that Your love is unfailing even when life fails us? We have a living Hope in a risen Saviour. That our faith when tested will come forth purer than gold.

Today, I connected with Tomo O on FB Messenger and she informed me her mum passed away last May, a Buddhist, while her dad has passed away a few years ago. I pray for this dear sister to stand strong in her faith in You, Lord. My dad too has passed away a few years ago. My mum is nearly 80 years old. I could very much in a similar state as her at anytime, except that she is an only child, while I still have two siblings who care for me very much, and I have close relatives too. But actually I am thinking, perhaps Tomo does have strong faith in You, O Lord. She totally relies on You now - You are her everything. Perhaps, while I think she may be in a pitiful state or condition, she may not be because she has You - You are all she needs. She is a much stronger lady than I. It is either that or I should connect with her more and show her God's unconditional love more. Pray for God's guidance. 

Kinkin has posted the Podcast which I recorded last week. It apparently went on 6 different platforms. Happy to be part of the podcast. :)

Come 19 July, I will be taking Casey and Roy's Shepherd Care class. I hope J will sign up for it too. Lol. But I really dunno if he will. He is like so non-committal to stuff... I get the feeling he probably will not. Just my gut I guess so I don't want to get too much of my hopes up. Ah wells... will update in due time.

Sally, Meirong and I caught up on a Zoom call on Tuesday night, just two nights ago. That was a really good catch-up session for us three.