Surreal

After I have deleted my Wechat account yet again in an attempt to cut off ties with P before starting 2017 proper, I was led to discover that YL knows him from church by a different name, while P is his middle name. It feels somewhat surreal that the decision to let go of a person has led to the discovery of something more of a person. But such is life. 

Got back in touch

After going cold turkey for about six weeks, I got back in touch with P again this morning. His reply was pretty classic, "Good Morning with a Sunshiny Face [and sunglasses]" and a "Who is that?" I replied with my Christmas greeting pic and a belated Christmas greeting to him and his family. Then, he went on with, "Hi there. You're back. Blessed Christmas. What are your plans for NYE?"

So, what does this means for me in 2017? Can I go back to just "being friends" with P?

YL's 39th Birthday today

Today is my buddy YL's 39th birthday. Ten years ago, back in 2006, we were co-workers still at EAST. Then, she was 29. How time flies. Glad we're still in touch through these past decade. We've been travel buddies - did a road trip from Perth to Albany, flew to Kl, Penang and Taipei/Hualien together. Oftentimes with our two other faithful buddies G and GP and in earlier times, PC too. YL has always been a friend who readily lends a listening ear to me. I am thankful for her friendship and I pray for God's richest blessings upon her.

Last Counselling Session with Pam this year

It was a good wrap up with Pam today.

I am reminded of why the relationship with P was a co-dependent relationship, unhealthy one.

I am glad I am out of it and I do intend to stay out of it despite having entertained thoughts of keeping in touch with him. I will not do so. That is for the best.

Dad had not been to Bangkok

In his lifetime, dad had travelled to Australia, Japan and China. However, during his final days, he lamented to mum that he had not been to Bangkok. Perhaps it was because mum went there with sis and had a good holiday there. Perhaps it was because Bangkok seemed so near and yet it was too far for him to travel to, by the time my dad's health was too frail. It seemed that he felt a tinge of regret for not having been to a neighbouring country which was so near yet so far.

No idea why this thought just popped into my head today. Oh, I think it was because on FB, I just viewed some pics of relatives visiting Bangkok. That just brought to mind dad's last unfulfilled wishes.

It should be an inspiration for me to visit and travel to all the places I wish to see in my own lifetime and not live with deathbed regrets like dad.

Memories

I want to remember him with kindness, a gentle heart and love.

Reflections on P

Last night's counselling with SH brought fresh insights and healing to me. I am glad I went for the second session and I am looking forward to my third session on 12 Jan.

It made reflect on my relationship with P. I was able to see both the good and bad in him. I realised I loved him rather deeply, which was why I also felt I have been deeply betrayed by what had recently happened.

I pray that living in this grey area of seeing the good and bad in him will help me come to terms with what had happened. Why I decided to cut off contact with him and move on. How I can put my energies to better use to improve and heal my life. Pray that I will draw closer to God. Truly forgive him from my heart. Let go of my hurts. Move on.

1st Day of my favourite month

1st December 2016. Today is the first day of my favourite month. It is also my birthday month. The last month of the year. I am thankful for new beginnings in this very bright and beautiful month, despite it being a rainy day.

I am expecting many days with showers of blessings this month. Tis the monsoon season in Singapore after all. Tonight, this Thursday evening, I am meeting Siang Hui, a counsellor, for the second time. Evelyn, my former colleague is kindly accompanying me. Talk theraphy is a helpful tool in making sense of my own narrative and self-growth. I am thankful for insights that others bring to my life and I am grateful to God for giving me friends along this journey of life.

UniSIM fees have been paid up today. I am excited to start the Jan 2017 semester. Also, I hope to prioritise my studies over my work in the next two years, at the very least - 2017 to 2018. Lord, pray that you help me keep focus on my priorities and also fix my eyes on Jesus.