Surreal

After I have deleted my Wechat account yet again in an attempt to cut off ties with P before starting 2017 proper, I was led to discover that YL knows him from church by a different name, while P is his middle name. It feels somewhat surreal that the decision to let go of a person has led to the discovery of something more of a person. But such is life. 

Got back in touch

After going cold turkey for about six weeks, I got back in touch with P again this morning. His reply was pretty classic, "Good Morning with a Sunshiny Face [and sunglasses]" and a "Who is that?" I replied with my Christmas greeting pic and a belated Christmas greeting to him and his family. Then, he went on with, "Hi there. You're back. Blessed Christmas. What are your plans for NYE?"

So, what does this means for me in 2017? Can I go back to just "being friends" with P?

YL's 39th Birthday today

Today is my buddy YL's 39th birthday. Ten years ago, back in 2006, we were co-workers still at EAST. Then, she was 29. How time flies. Glad we're still in touch through these past decade. We've been travel buddies - did a road trip from Perth to Albany, flew to Kl, Penang and Taipei/Hualien together. Oftentimes with our two other faithful buddies G and GP and in earlier times, PC too. YL has always been a friend who readily lends a listening ear to me. I am thankful for her friendship and I pray for God's richest blessings upon her.

Last Counselling Session with Pam this year

It was a good wrap up with Pam today.

I am reminded of why the relationship with P was a co-dependent relationship, unhealthy one.

I am glad I am out of it and I do intend to stay out of it despite having entertained thoughts of keeping in touch with him. I will not do so. That is for the best.

Dad had not been to Bangkok

In his lifetime, dad had travelled to Australia, Japan and China. However, during his final days, he lamented to mum that he had not been to Bangkok. Perhaps it was because mum went there with sis and had a good holiday there. Perhaps it was because Bangkok seemed so near and yet it was too far for him to travel to, by the time my dad's health was too frail. It seemed that he felt a tinge of regret for not having been to a neighbouring country which was so near yet so far.

No idea why this thought just popped into my head today. Oh, I think it was because on FB, I just viewed some pics of relatives visiting Bangkok. That just brought to mind dad's last unfulfilled wishes.

It should be an inspiration for me to visit and travel to all the places I wish to see in my own lifetime and not live with deathbed regrets like dad.

Memories

I want to remember him with kindness, a gentle heart and love.

Reflections on P

Last night's counselling with SH brought fresh insights and healing to me. I am glad I went for the second session and I am looking forward to my third session on 12 Jan.

It made reflect on my relationship with P. I was able to see both the good and bad in him. I realised I loved him rather deeply, which was why I also felt I have been deeply betrayed by what had recently happened.

I pray that living in this grey area of seeing the good and bad in him will help me come to terms with what had happened. Why I decided to cut off contact with him and move on. How I can put my energies to better use to improve and heal my life. Pray that I will draw closer to God. Truly forgive him from my heart. Let go of my hurts. Move on.

1st Day of my favourite month

1st December 2016. Today is the first day of my favourite month. It is also my birthday month. The last month of the year. I am thankful for new beginnings in this very bright and beautiful month, despite it being a rainy day.

I am expecting many days with showers of blessings this month. Tis the monsoon season in Singapore after all. Tonight, this Thursday evening, I am meeting Siang Hui, a counsellor, for the second time. Evelyn, my former colleague is kindly accompanying me. Talk theraphy is a helpful tool in making sense of my own narrative and self-growth. I am thankful for insights that others bring to my life and I am grateful to God for giving me friends along this journey of life.

UniSIM fees have been paid up today. I am excited to start the Jan 2017 semester. Also, I hope to prioritise my studies over my work in the next two years, at the very least - 2017 to 2018. Lord, pray that you help me keep focus on my priorities and also fix my eyes on Jesus.

10 years on FB

It has been 10 years since I started using Facebook. I have accumulated 1336 connections on FB.

2006, Nov 30, I was about one year into working at EAST. Now, I've been at EAST for over 11 years and nearly 2 months to be exact.

Much has changed, yet much remains the same.

Going for Counselling later

Something eventful happened on 18 October 2016. Tonight, I am attending a face to face counselling because of what happened. My life has kinda changed. Yet some things remain the same. God loves me deeply still and I know He will never leave nor forsake me. For that, I am thankful.

Lord, You are enough

Yes, you are. 

I will miss him

I think I did the right thing yet doing the right thing doesn't make things any easier for me, right now at least. 

26th Baptism Anniversary

Today, 7 October 2016, is my 26th baptism anniversary. P and A are two persons whom I have shared with and they both are pretty dear to my heart at this point in time.

Lord, thank you for friends and family. Lord, thank you most of all for You being You.

Thank you that I am able to serve you at EAST for the past 11 years. Only by your grace.

Happy 3rd Birthday, J!

Dear J,

My precious cheerful nephew, you are three today and on your birthday, you're actually able to ask, "Where's e..y... ah?" It's probably the first time you pronounced 小姑姑's name. How momentous this is! 

My birthday prayer for you dearest nephew is: may God's calling and destiny be fulfilled in your life even as He shapes your foundational, growing up years through your parents, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles and friends you make along life's way, and the different life experiences He allows you to have. 

May you grow to master skills, grow in your love and knowledge of our God and Saviour Jesus Christ, and live to serve Him in all that you are and do. Amen. 

Lunch

He had dim sum for lunch. I had onion uppatham. Cross-cultural lunch we had today. So interestingly coincidental. 

Last Conversation with Dad

Dad went home to be with the Lord last Friday morning (17 June 2016), after a final sip of water given to him by sis.

At the time of dad's passing, I was still asleep in Sri Lanka. The night before, having attended my Uni mate's wedding ceremony. I wish to recount my last conversation with dad in this post.

I remember rather vividly that the night prior to my maiden Sri Lankan trip, I was suddenly gripped with unknown fears. To deal with those fears, I went to papa's room and confided in him. Papa was very alert and recounted that he left home at the tender age of eleven to work. He encouraged me that there isn't anything really scary in this big world out there. In essence, his last words to me was, "Be brave."

That particular conversation calmed my nerves and I could carry on packing for my trip. It turned out that it was my final face to face conversation with dad.

Dad, I will be brave. You have given me the courage to carry on your legacy of faith, hope and love in this life.

Happy 47th Birthday, Kor!

Today is my Kor's 47th birthday. We've been siblings for over a good four decades. It's pretty amazing to think about that fact. 

But we've been living apart in separate households for a good thirteen years. Good to see how my Kor has grown after becoming a father himself since my nephew Joshua was born on 5 October 2013. I pray he'll continue to grow as a loving husband to my sister-in-law/love B, an affectionate and wise father to my nephew Josh, a filial and dutiful son to my parents while remaining on close terms with my sis and me... Always being my reliable Kor

31 May, Came and gone

I met up with P. We had dinner at a Korean restaurant at Raffles City. The conversation regarding what form our relationship might take concluded that we should best just remain friends and nothing more. Reason being that he is currently in a state of separation and still living under the same roof as his wife and kid though they sleep in separate rooms. 

I wished he had been more forthcoming about the status he was in earlier on. While, I guess better late than never to have been told. Just felt like a bit of a fool to have invested emotionally so quickly. Hopefully, this episode will blow over soon. 

Live, love and learn. That's my motto.

1st Post in February

The first month of 2016 has kinda whizzed by. Today is the first day of February, the second month of 2016. 

I recently installed an app called whisper on my phone and it kinda opened a Pandora box of unusual relationships. It's supposed to be an anonymous app where people spill their secrets but it seems more like a kinda hookup online platform of sorts. The worrying aspect is there are users probably as young as 12 or 14 using the app. They're suspectible to online sexual predators using the app. It's an absolutely worrying trend. 

2nd Post

Had quite a horrible start of the day. Sis was sick in the morning. She complained of vertigo and she vomitted a few times. Dad was anxious to get out of bed and moved to the living room. In the process of doing that, he almost fell and had a slight injury to his left foot which already has the amputation wound. Quite a chaotic morning without mum around.

Yesterday, however, was a rather good day. It was Debbie's 60th birthday and I sent her a bouquet of multi-coloured roses with a birthday greeting. She replied, "That's just such a lovely message! I will remember to keep on doing what is right. Muac!" So glad I was able to bring her special birthday cheer on her milestone birthday. She's been a special blessing to me. :)

Praying that both dad and sis get to rest up a bit today and feel better by the end of the day.

Lord, I pray for your grace to be sufficient for my family, my loved ones, my dear friends and those I come in contact with daily. Amen.

1st Post in 2016

2016 was entered rather quietly with my family. No watching of fireworks at Suntec. No watchnight service with the chiming in of the new year with dongs at church. I had a family meal prepared by mum and our helper, ate it together with my parents and sis and just spent NYE wishing family and friends a good and blessed year ahead through whatsapp and FB messenger.

3-5 Jan was spent with the EAST community at Changi Village Hotel listening to Bishop Emeritus Dr Robert Solomon's messages, heeding us to "Come to me, take my yoke, learn from me" as Jesus has heeded us two millennium ago. It was the second year and probably the third time that K, my co-worker, and I roomed together. It was a good time of conflict resolution between us. Thankful for that.

Praying that there will be a greater sense of unity and purpose in the admin office as we labour together for the Lord.