In recent days, I feel that I have been stonewalled by B and D.
The last text response I received from B was, "I am now overseas." Fair enough that I found out he went on a diving trip but he was able to share pics with uncle L and have chats with uncle L but not me. Thinking back, with regards to our online mobile communication, I might have offended him by sending too many pics and clips that his phone memory could not handle and due to the manner in which he communicated/threatened to leave the chat, I left the chat group first. Also, he gave me some discount pamphlet which I had passed on to EK and I do not know if he felt offended by that or not. Perhaps he just need time to sort out his own time and space and emotions. Likewise, I should do that. It is good for me to be detached from him, before any deeper bonds are formed.
Meanwhile, D and I have not been able to meet up regularly for lunch this year anymore. Partly, due to the fact that she is working at her father's office and her hours are no longer as flexible. Also, due to the developing COVID-19 situation since 23 January, I have been going home for lunch. It was due to me calling off an agreed upon evening appointment, due to mum and sis's worries and concerns because of the COVID-19 situation, that left D fuming. Since then, she has ignored my texts. Perhaps, it is also time for me to re-evaluate my friendship with her. Good time for me to detach myself from deeper bonds with her too.
Perhaps it is time in my life to make space for more positive people who will be more up-lifting, inspiring, people I look up to, rather than to be around people whom I know "sorta admire" me for one reason or another. Better yet, I hope to find relationships that are mutually engaging and up-lifting and less one-sided. I guess in life, it may never be quite possible to have relationships without a trace of any abusive traits, partly because I may be triggered to be the abusive party or I may trigger the other person to be abusive. But, I still must try to be Christlike and find people who aspire to be like Jesus to me, so I can be like Jesus to them too. Even if my friends do not aspire to be Christlike, I need to love them still, no? But at certain junctures, I need space, to avoid getting unnecessarily wounded or hurt. I need to learn to be wise with my limited time and energy.
