27th Baptism Anniversary

My 27th baptism anniversary on 7 October 2017 passed rather uneventfully, saved for a mistakenly mix-up of dates for Declan's 1st birthday party at Pizzaface. Mum, sis and I trooped down to Pizzaface by noon that day, only to discover nearly half an hour later, after wolfing down a shared chicken pie from a newly opened cafe nearby that Declan's party is on 14 October, not 7 October. I was guilty as charged for dragging both mum and sis down as the invite was sent only to me. I guess it goes to show the signs of aging - a poor memory, at 42.

Can't deny that as a middle-aged woman, I don't look one bit like a college age kid. Not that I'd like to be mistaken as one on campus but as an adult learner, being a part-time university student definitely has its challenges. I was at the Uni booth wanting to sign up for a step tracker and that was only eligible for students (of which I am legitimately one). The staff at the booth, who looks young enough to be my nephew (if my sis had married and given birth young enough) doubted my eligibility. It was fair enough I guess, given I am no spring chicken, but it hurt my ego somewhat. I am even older than Joanna Dong, the 35 year old finalist in China Sing! who already has two young children. Ah wells! Still, I have much to be thankful for - I have a sound mind, or at least sound enough to be typing this entry, fresh air to breathe, clean water to drink and a comfortable bed to sleep on at night. God is good. Most of all, my faith in my Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ is still alive and well. That, to me, is God's greatest gift.

Mar Mar Oo - Bye bye

Our Myanmar helper Mar Mar Oo has left for home last Tuesday, 5 Sep 17. She left our home on Monday, 4 Sep. It has been over a week since she left us. And it has been for a good two years since she had been with our family. So much has happened to our family during the past two years. So much has happened to me too. However, I trust that these two years have been an enriching time for our helper. That she has achieved her objective of wanting to live and work in Singapore. And enjoyed those free days where she could tour around Singapore with her sister and friend. I will miss her and all the good food she cooked - her Myanmar curry chicken, tea leaf salad and bee hoon salad were some of my favourites.

My cousin YH's 55th & Birthdays

Today is my cousin YH's 55th birthday. 12 September 2017. He was borned in 1962. The same year another cousin MF was borned (18 Feb 1962). He shares the same birthday month as my sister who recently celebrated her Jubilee birthday in style - a full three days of feasting followed by another food trail trip in Penang the next weekend. My sister had a joint birthday celebration with cousin P who gave us a treat at St Regis hotel. So, we had a full four days of feasting that started on 31 Aug and ended on 3 Sep.

fleeting feelings

feelings... are such fleeting things. I have always known them to be so.

They tend to come and go as they please. Especially when uninvited.

I do wonder why I do not have better boundaries, emotional control. I am always a little taken aback when I get a surprise visit from my feelings. Especially feelings I thought I had settled with, or feelings I thought I no longer should have. They seem to have a life of their own.

They come and go as they please. Uninvited they come. Unannounced they go.

@SUSS

At SUSS inside the Starbucks here on a Saturday late morning. Just had a cuppa latte. It's less than half an hour to a film-making talk. Just thought it would be interesting to attend the talk - spice up my life, learn something new.

I am enjoying being on campus more and more. However, I figure I should set achievable and measurable goals here. Not just set the goals but actually achieve them.

Meanwhile, life goes on.

Day @ SUSS

Spent close to six hours at SUSS today. Started on my TMA01 but have not completed it yet. Found out I could print stuff by paying cash. 7 pages black and white cost 30 cents. I am making progress. Yay!

Strange Dream

I dreamt about receiving emails from P in response to a voice call I made to his phone. He was rather strict and stern about why I had re-contacted him when I had agreed not to do so anymore. Funny that I would dream about calling him and dream about his negative response. In fact, I dreamt he was reconciling with his in-laws and daughter. His relationships with them have improved. Such an unusual dream to dream. Definitely something to heed - not to give him any more voice calls, not even a text, ever.

A year ago

A year ago this day, 31 May, I met up with P for the very first time. I waited at Starbucks at Raffles City for him. When he finally appeared, we decided to head to the basement for a meal. We had Korean food that evening. That was the first of my only two meals I had with him, out of three meet-ups. The last meet-up was over half a year ago already but the last phone call we had was less than a month ago. And tonight, would have been our anniversary meal. But it will not be so. I have to move on. For us.

3 baby kittens @ EAST

Surprise kittens have been found at EAST since Monday, Apparently, Rock found them next to the drum set at Agape Room. Today, Friday, is the first time I've seen the three lovely kittens. They look barely two weeks old, all snuggling around each other, sleeping all day long. Praying they will grow healthy and happy @ EAST compound over the next few days, weeks, months and years.

Sadly... on that very evening itself, the kittens were brought to SPCA by Rock and his wife. They were worried for the well-being of the three kittens over the weekend as the mommy cat seemed to have abandoned them. I pray that each of them eventually goes to a good and loving home.

7 May 17

We had a lovely family lunch to celebrate TF's 61st birthday on 7 May. Auntie KC, MF, P&P, mum, sis, bro, sis-in-law and my 3 yr old nephew were all present to celebrate with TF.

Also, that night, I had a goodbye chat with P. Instead of the usual ghosting for the past few times, I got his consent to break off for good. It felt good. He respected my decision. YL was happy for me. I felt numbed initially but I feel glad now. It is the good, right and honorable thing to do. To kinda right a wrong because two wrongs does not a right make.

I pray that God will continue to guide every step of my way and protect me from all evil.

2 weeks to Exams

I've got two exams in less than 2 weeks on 16 and 18 May. It's 6 May today. Next Saturday is another busy day because of EAST 23rd Commencement, which will be held at Bartley Christian Church. In fact, the whole of next week will be an extremely busy week in my view, as there is a Homecoming Dinner on 10 May, Wednesday, and a Graduation Party on 11 May, Thursday evening. The Alumni Retreat is held from 10-12 May, Wednesday to Friday. I am hoping to take the following week off, 15-18 May off at least, because of my exams.

I have found myself a perfect typing spot at level 5 of SUSS (Singapore University of Social Sciences, new name of UniSIM since March 17, 2017). It has a pretty view of some palms and a neat row of 10 trees in a planter directly facing me. I tried locating a comfortable seat in the library but found the temperature in there too cold for my comfort. The natural air and environment on level 5 with a great view to boot seems like an ideal spot for me.

On 24 April, I was grieving of the demise of a beloved community cat Tutu who had met with an accident while a fast turning car entered the carpark. That fateful night that I was grieving, I reconnected with P. Soon after, I was grieving the loss of L's family cat Jack who had to be put down because L felt they could no longer cope with Jack's seemingly uncontrollable behaviour and impulses. According to L, Jack had been too stressed and tensed and was probably suffering from some kinda PTSD even as a kitten or while he was in his mother's womb. It was all too complex for me. I just knew that Jack was no longer a happy cat and L's family no longer could cope with the normal feeding and handling. Especially after Jack acted out and bit L. It was very sad as Jack was a barely 2 year old cat. However, the decision was made with Jack's welfare in mind too, as he was living a stressed out miserable life.

Life is full of complications, mysteries and hurdles to be crossed.

TF's Stage 4 cancer & Other Stuff

TF has been diagnosed with Stage 4 uterine cancer. It came as a shock to the entire family. Tomorrow, she will be having her second chemotherapy treatment. For the first cycle, she has seven more sessions to go. That would be another two months. She should be in Singapore till June, at least. Praying for God's healing upon her and most of all, that she will have a joyful spirit and be full of courage and faith.

Also, recently learnt of Aunty J and Uncle L's official break-up and both of them are in their 70s. Such is the unpredictability of love and life. I remember Aunty J got married at 40. She has been married for a good 30 years though they have lived apart for quite a number of years.

Listening to Zhang Boli's sermon with mum online right now and he admonished us to be overcomers in life. With Christ as our Lord, we can be overcomers in this earthly life.

Moving on

20 days without contact and I hope that it will only continue to multiply by 20 and soon P will be but a faint memory as a forgettable mere acquaintance in my life, as I must have been in his.

I will move on to brighter and better days. I know that life will once again be fuller and more meaningful. When I let go of people and things that are toxic and harmful, only good can come out of that decision. I will rejoice in the Lord.

Sorry, no goodbye P - we be acquaintances then...

I have to write an entry today because hopefully, my fifth and final attempt at "uncoupling" from P will be successful, Lord willing and keeping all my fingers and toes crossed.

The attachment has been a rather long drawn and emotionally expensive one aside from the fact that it has cost me quite a number of nights of sleepless nights, with close friends worrying about me and worrying with me through out the past couple of months.

There were moments when I had drawn very much more intimately to Jesus because of the pain felt in this relationship. However, at this juncture, I have decided it is not a healthy and godly relationship to engage further in. I need to use my head and stick with it.

Meilin - We miss you and we love you

Last Friday, just five days ago, Meilin, you breathed your last.

It was a shocking news to family and friends.
To all who know you and love you for who you were, for who you still are in our hearts and minds, we miss you.

Never did we quite expect that you would have made such a sudden exit, at the peak of your career, as the Executive Director of ABM, having tirelessly worked so hard and so long for the past eight years in that position.

A stalwart of the banking industry. A banking icon. A class act.

You were driven, passionate and filled with enthusiasm and life for work and family.

Our loss and grief is deep. But we will carry a little bit of Meilin in our hearts for the rest of our lives.

Rest in peace. We know you are with Him who knows and loves you best.

Thank you for giving the very best of yourself to us.

We love you. I wish we had told you more often.