I came across an advice from a 19 year old.
Give a person three days. Be away and see if the person comes back. If the person doesn't, don't be with the person. Why would you want to be with someone that doesn't want you? Why would you want to be with someone like that?
The advice seems perfectly rational except when it comes to matters of the heart, we all know that things are hardly ever rational. I can only hope that with the passing of time, I will learn that when someone chooses to distance himself or herself in a relationship with you, it is less painful to keep pursuing for a reconciliation of sorts and easier to let things be the way it is.
There are 6 billion people in this world. There are many more kind and beautiful souls out there I have yet to meet and discover. There are also old friendships I ought to rekindle and tend to. If there are people who for one reason or other think or feel, that perhaps we should no longer be travelling in this journey of life together no more, then yes, I will need to move on for my own sake and learn to let go gracefully - not to begrudge them, not to wallow in self-pity for the broken relationships, but to thank them in my hearts for the beautiful memories we have shared.
Thursday, April 23, 2020
Tuesday, April 21, 2020
Took up YK's suggestion
I confided in YK about my neighbour's situation and asked her to pray for me, how I may minister to my neighbour. YK suggested that I "share food for a start". So that was just what I did a while ago - a packet of milk, two cans of tuna, a can of sardines, and a few packets of potato chips for her daughter. Hopefully, that has brightened her day!
Neighbour F, Friend D & other stuff
Last night, neighbour F texted me to inform me that she will be on unpaid leave in May and she is looking for part-time jobs. Friend D also texted me to pray for her younger sis Helen who will be undergoing a foot surgery on Friday to remove a cancerous tumour.
These two items were and probably still are somewhat weighing on my mind but I really want to cast my cares unto the Lord. Just as I have encouraged my neighbour and friend not to worry, do not be anxious but to bring every request upon the Lord, that is what I myself want to do as well.
Also, my NIECF old friend R just informed me and our group of friends over the weekend that our friend Angeline Tan has gone to be with the Lord a week ago, 11 April. I remember Angeline as a warm-hearted sister in Christ with friendly smiles and a gentle heart.
This morning as I scanned through my FB feed, came across the news that G's arma (granny) has passed away yesterday (20 Apr 2020), at the ripe old age of 109 years old.
Deaths are hard to deal with and especially during times like these (Circuit Breaker period), where funerals and send offs cannot really be held because of safe distancing measures.
Praying for God's added measure of grace upon the bereaved and their family and friends at such times. Also, praying for my neighbour F and friend D, each going through difficult time of her own. Lord, let your presence be felt, I pray.
These two items were and probably still are somewhat weighing on my mind but I really want to cast my cares unto the Lord. Just as I have encouraged my neighbour and friend not to worry, do not be anxious but to bring every request upon the Lord, that is what I myself want to do as well.
Also, my NIECF old friend R just informed me and our group of friends over the weekend that our friend Angeline Tan has gone to be with the Lord a week ago, 11 April. I remember Angeline as a warm-hearted sister in Christ with friendly smiles and a gentle heart.
This morning as I scanned through my FB feed, came across the news that G's arma (granny) has passed away yesterday (20 Apr 2020), at the ripe old age of 109 years old.
Deaths are hard to deal with and especially during times like these (Circuit Breaker period), where funerals and send offs cannot really be held because of safe distancing measures.
Praying for God's added measure of grace upon the bereaved and their family and friends at such times. Also, praying for my neighbour F and friend D, each going through difficult time of her own. Lord, let your presence be felt, I pray.
Wednesday, April 15, 2020
Home by Singapore Virtual Choir
I participated in the Singapore Virtual Choir's rendition of Home by submitting a video clip of myself singing the song last Wednesday. I had been patiently waiting for the clip of the final compilation to appear on social media. Yesterday, it was through Rach from my OCFPerth chat group that I knew the clip has surfaced. She sent me a link in the group saying she caught sight of me in the clip! Excitedly, I viewed the clip looking for glimpses of my appearance.
Later on, I realised I was placed right next to the frame of a famed singer, Nathan Hartono, the grandson of TungLok Group, and a rather recent winner of some Chinese Singing Talent Contest. Mum was able to easily spot me because of him too. Interestingly, my first reactions was proud and happy to have taken part in the history making initiative of singing "Home" with over 900 Singaporeans in this first ever Singapore Virtual Choir organised by the Voices of Singapore, conducted by Darius Lim. However, soon after, my response turned to feeling honoured and happy, and then honoured and humbled. :)
Later on, I realised I was placed right next to the frame of a famed singer, Nathan Hartono, the grandson of TungLok Group, and a rather recent winner of some Chinese Singing Talent Contest. Mum was able to easily spot me because of him too. Interestingly, my first reactions was proud and happy to have taken part in the history making initiative of singing "Home" with over 900 Singaporeans in this first ever Singapore Virtual Choir organised by the Voices of Singapore, conducted by Darius Lim. However, soon after, my response turned to feeling honoured and happy, and then honoured and humbled. :)
NN called to wish Mum
a Happy Belated Birthday today. She was apologetic about missing the Zoom party last night.
Mum had a good conversation with her and hopefully we will be able to feed her and her dad sometime.
Mum had a good conversation with her and hopefully we will be able to feed her and her dad sometime.
Few hours of sleep
I barely had five hours of sleep this morning but thankfully I am functioning okay for the day. It is slightly past four in the afternoon now. I had lunch slightly past noon. Breakfast was the usual toast with butter, peanut butter, and blueberry jam followed by a hard boiled egg drizzled with dark soya sauce, a few drops of sesame oil and dashes of pepper, with a cuppa coffee with milk sans sugar.
I communicated with KW via Whatsapp in the morning after texting M. Sorted out the digital books availability from our textbook list for next semester on DTL and M will follow up with the rest. Mainly, I followed up with M. M enquired about exams for this semester and I had to check with KW. Apparently, M wanted to close library earlier than the usual end of semester. KW was very astute in asking why M wanted to know about exam dates. In the end, M had to consult with B who is her supervisor as it was not her decision alone to make. I am so glad that KW is so wise. I guess M is just taking her own initiative and not necessarily doing anything "bad" but some decisions are best made in consultation with one's supervisor who will in all likelihood have a bigger picture of things in place.
Interestingly, C text me about decentralised Chapel for admin staff. I was once again somewhat caught in between the supervisors N/L and the Chaplain. Hopefully, things have been resolved among themselves.I pray for God's wisdom upon all my co-workers at EAST. Lord, may Your Spirit lead and guide us all.
I communicated with KW via Whatsapp in the morning after texting M. Sorted out the digital books availability from our textbook list for next semester on DTL and M will follow up with the rest. Mainly, I followed up with M. M enquired about exams for this semester and I had to check with KW. Apparently, M wanted to close library earlier than the usual end of semester. KW was very astute in asking why M wanted to know about exam dates. In the end, M had to consult with B who is her supervisor as it was not her decision alone to make. I am so glad that KW is so wise. I guess M is just taking her own initiative and not necessarily doing anything "bad" but some decisions are best made in consultation with one's supervisor who will in all likelihood have a bigger picture of things in place.
Interestingly, C text me about decentralised Chapel for admin staff. I was once again somewhat caught in between the supervisors N/L and the Chaplain. Hopefully, things have been resolved among themselves.I pray for God's wisdom upon all my co-workers at EAST. Lord, may Your Spirit lead and guide us all.
Communication Restored With D
I sent D some Good Friday greetings and received some response from her on Holy Saturday. Since then, our communication has resumed. I'm glad she has moved past the fact that I could not meet her for dinner when the Covid-19 situation was just starting to worsen. Hopefully, all's good now. :D
Reading an old entry
from May 31, 2017. It was about moving on.
Reading that reminded me of a text I sent to Brenz a few days ago. She mentioned she really liked the BB series stickers on Whatsapp and I revealed that I liked it too. But I missed the person who introduced that sticker series to me. Nonetheles, I believe that person has moved on and so must I.
Upon reflection, I am not even sure if that person was ever really interested in knowing me more as a person beyond platonic friendship. Sure, he seemed to be teasing me a lot. Occasionally he would buy me food but he does that for others too. I must have been reading too much into his words and actions. In any case, now that he is completely silent, it is good.
There is nothing for me to interpret or misinterpret anymore. Unlike God, a man's silence is equivalent to a man's absence, in one's life. However, it is not so for God. God may be silent but God is most certainly never absent in my life. It is either my life, mind or heart is too noisy and I cannot hear Him speak, or it is that God chooses to remain silent until I am ready for His word, to listen to His still, small voice.
Reading that reminded me of a text I sent to Brenz a few days ago. She mentioned she really liked the BB series stickers on Whatsapp and I revealed that I liked it too. But I missed the person who introduced that sticker series to me. Nonetheles, I believe that person has moved on and so must I.
Upon reflection, I am not even sure if that person was ever really interested in knowing me more as a person beyond platonic friendship. Sure, he seemed to be teasing me a lot. Occasionally he would buy me food but he does that for others too. I must have been reading too much into his words and actions. In any case, now that he is completely silent, it is good.
There is nothing for me to interpret or misinterpret anymore. Unlike God, a man's silence is equivalent to a man's absence, in one's life. However, it is not so for God. God may be silent but God is most certainly never absent in my life. It is either my life, mind or heart is too noisy and I cannot hear Him speak, or it is that God chooses to remain silent until I am ready for His word, to listen to His still, small voice.
Post Mum's Birthday
What an unusual 14 April 2020 it has been. This must have been one of mum's quietest birthdays by far as we had breakfast, lunch and dinner at home.
For breakfast, we had toasts, hard boiled eggs and coffee with milk. Lunch was soup noodles with baby abalones. Dinner was Popeyes fried chicken with mashed potatoes, fried garlic rice, some fries and a biscuit (American styled - which tasted more muffin like) with strawberry jam.
Morning, I had a zoom meeting with KW to sort out some work matters. Worked through a PowerPoint presentation in the afternoon. After I decided I had done enough work for the day, I took mum out for super-marketing as her birthday treat, before her birthday dinner.
In the morning, mum had Whatsapp voice greetings from her precious grandson J, her eldest daughter, her precious daughter-in-law. She missed out hearing from her son who was grumpily helping out her grandson with his home-based learning, as shown in a pic by B. Somehow, from that pic, one can gather the dynamics of their family - the wife seemed to be domineering, My question is why is she taking a pic of my brother sitting next to my nephew, instead of she herself helping J? Is she less capable of helping my nephew? Perhaps she is being "more manipulative"? In any case, that is my brother's lot since it was his choice of life partner? Also, during 8pm Zoom party which we held in the evening, brother's family missed out as sis-in-law had to deal with work stuff.
I do wonder if my mum feels somewhat disappointed with my brother - no voice greetings from him, no happy birthday greetings, no Zoom appearance. What happened, really? I guess mum took comfort in that they had already visited in person over the weekend. But this year, on her actual birthday, my brother has been quite a disappointment, at least IMHO. Even if mum did not mind at all. Even over Zoom, we had eldest cousin, P&P, Mf & TYY, YH's family and my sis showing up. Mum commented that Aunty J did not call. That is quite true but then again, mum seldom called Aunty J on her birthday too. Haha!
Upon reflection, I ought to cut bro and sis-in-law some slack like mum does. :P If mum does not mind, then I should not mind too. After all, love covers all wrongs.
For breakfast, we had toasts, hard boiled eggs and coffee with milk. Lunch was soup noodles with baby abalones. Dinner was Popeyes fried chicken with mashed potatoes, fried garlic rice, some fries and a biscuit (American styled - which tasted more muffin like) with strawberry jam.
Morning, I had a zoom meeting with KW to sort out some work matters. Worked through a PowerPoint presentation in the afternoon. After I decided I had done enough work for the day, I took mum out for super-marketing as her birthday treat, before her birthday dinner.
In the morning, mum had Whatsapp voice greetings from her precious grandson J, her eldest daughter, her precious daughter-in-law. She missed out hearing from her son who was grumpily helping out her grandson with his home-based learning, as shown in a pic by B. Somehow, from that pic, one can gather the dynamics of their family - the wife seemed to be domineering, My question is why is she taking a pic of my brother sitting next to my nephew, instead of she herself helping J? Is she less capable of helping my nephew? Perhaps she is being "more manipulative"? In any case, that is my brother's lot since it was his choice of life partner? Also, during 8pm Zoom party which we held in the evening, brother's family missed out as sis-in-law had to deal with work stuff.
I do wonder if my mum feels somewhat disappointed with my brother - no voice greetings from him, no happy birthday greetings, no Zoom appearance. What happened, really? I guess mum took comfort in that they had already visited in person over the weekend. But this year, on her actual birthday, my brother has been quite a disappointment, at least IMHO. Even if mum did not mind at all. Even over Zoom, we had eldest cousin, P&P, Mf & TYY, YH's family and my sis showing up. Mum commented that Aunty J did not call. That is quite true but then again, mum seldom called Aunty J on her birthday too. Haha!
Upon reflection, I ought to cut bro and sis-in-law some slack like mum does. :P If mum does not mind, then I should not mind too. After all, love covers all wrongs.
Tuesday, April 07, 2020
Start of Circuit Breaker - 7 April
Today is the beginning of the "Circuit Breaker" which the Singapore government has implemented in Singapore where most offices are shut and tomorrow, all schools will be closed. This will be so till 4th May. This is an attempt at a soft lockdown in Singapore so as to arrest the speed of infection of Covid-19.
Everyone from EAST is working from home for a month, but not just EAST, almost everyone in non-essential services in Singapore. This is an unprecedented move by the government but these are unprecedented times in Singapore and around the world. The headlines in world news this morning is the admission of the British Prime Minister Boris Johnson to an Intensive Care Unit after more than 10 days of being infected with Covid-19. His symptoms has since worsened which is most unfortunate, as he had previously believed in "herd immunity" for his nation.
Even Donald Trump, the USA President who had in the initial days called Covid-19 a hoax and compared it to a common flu is now facing the realities of the pandemic in his country which has a death toll of over 10,000 in just over two months or so. USA has the widest number of infections in the world now. While China, being the first country that had to deal with the infections is now mostly out of the woods with relatively few cases of infections and very low death rate now. What a topsy-turvy world we live in.
Everyone from EAST is working from home for a month, but not just EAST, almost everyone in non-essential services in Singapore. This is an unprecedented move by the government but these are unprecedented times in Singapore and around the world. The headlines in world news this morning is the admission of the British Prime Minister Boris Johnson to an Intensive Care Unit after more than 10 days of being infected with Covid-19. His symptoms has since worsened which is most unfortunate, as he had previously believed in "herd immunity" for his nation.
Even Donald Trump, the USA President who had in the initial days called Covid-19 a hoax and compared it to a common flu is now facing the realities of the pandemic in his country which has a death toll of over 10,000 in just over two months or so. USA has the widest number of infections in the world now. While China, being the first country that had to deal with the infections is now mostly out of the woods with relatively few cases of infections and very low death rate now. What a topsy-turvy world we live in.
Saturday, April 04, 2020
Unusually Emotional Day
Due to the rising cases of infected persons with Covid-19 in Singapore in the recent days, my sis and mum have been getting all the more anxious about me going into the office to work still, up to yesterday. There was an ALT Zoom Meeting Zoom on Friday afternoon and I had requested to work from home, first from J and subsequently from KW. Initially, J had agreed, but had asked me to check with KW. Upon checking with KW, he had requested for me to Zoom from the office instead of home due to the chart that J had submitted to HR which stated that I was supposed to report to the office on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Fridays. I felt disappointed to the point of tears but did not express so in my texts communication when I was denied working from home on Friday. Of course, it did not help that both my sis and mum were anxious for me too, due to the pre-existing health conditions I have. Sis wanted to communicate with my direct supervisors, J and KW. She subsequently sent very strongly worded texts to J and J contacted me to have a Zoom video conference on Friday morning.
Friday morning, the Zoom video conference started off okay but ended off with an emotional outburst from me. J pointed out all my sins, not coming to work on time, but at 10.30-11am, making errors at work, being on social media for my own consumption more than for official purposes. It was his reasons for not allowing me to work from home and wanting growth for me as a person. These were the main faults that I can recall him pointing out to me, citing that I lack discipline and that is why I should be working in the office. My outbursts came about after his "truth-telling".
On Friday evening, I managed to apologise for my emotional outburst via whatsapp texts. KW kindly responded but no word from J yet. He probably needs more headspace before he can respond, with the "circuit-breaker" announcement by PM Lee at 4pm to the nation that came out. All non-essential services offices are to be mandatorily closed from next Tuesday, and all schools to be on home-based learning from next Wednesday till 4th May.
As YL said, God has answered my prayer through PM Lee.
Friday morning, the Zoom video conference started off okay but ended off with an emotional outburst from me. J pointed out all my sins, not coming to work on time, but at 10.30-11am, making errors at work, being on social media for my own consumption more than for official purposes. It was his reasons for not allowing me to work from home and wanting growth for me as a person. These were the main faults that I can recall him pointing out to me, citing that I lack discipline and that is why I should be working in the office. My outbursts came about after his "truth-telling".
On Friday evening, I managed to apologise for my emotional outburst via whatsapp texts. KW kindly responded but no word from J yet. He probably needs more headspace before he can respond, with the "circuit-breaker" announcement by PM Lee at 4pm to the nation that came out. All non-essential services offices are to be mandatorily closed from next Tuesday, and all schools to be on home-based learning from next Wednesday till 4th May.
As YL said, God has answered my prayer through PM Lee.
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