Aunty Siew Lan passed on

Last Friday morning, 21 June, Uncle MW called me early in the morning about 7am to inform me about Aunty Siew Lan's passing. Mum, sis and I made plans to fly into KL by Sunday afternoon.

Uncle Meow Lock held two wake services for her on Saturday and Sunday. The burial service was on Monday. I managed to attend the Sunday wake service and Monday morning service and the precious family time with her prior to the service.

Reply from B

Since the chat group has been dissolved, there was no word from B till today. He texted, "I just back from open sea diving today. No earthly signal for last 7 days... Sigh... [Smiley face]" and so resumes our conversation again.

I do not understand why I get so affected whether I hear back from B or not. The only reason I can think of is that I am somewhat emotionally invested in the friendship we have. To what extent I am invested, I am not sure.

Post chat exit

I was just reading my blog post that was entered during Easter and how B, uncle L and I restarted a chat group. I just exited that chat group last night. It was both impulsive and calculated. Impulsive because the only reason I gave for exiting the chat group was that I was tired for waiting for a response from either of them. One day went by with no reply at all from either of them. In fact, B had not even read the messages when I exited. Calculated because I remembered YK's advice for me not to take the initiative in chatting in the chat group. YK also told me to forget about B and that I deserve someone better. I guess I wanted to follow YK's advice despite a delayed reaction in doing so.

From today on wards, I won't be looking forward to texts anymore. I will re-orientate myself. Pray more and let God be my priority in life once again.

Post Easter

I just realised it has been over seven weeks since my last entry. May was a busy month at EAST with EAST 25th Commencement happening at Bartley Christian Church on 11 May 2019. We had 26 graduates and 3 were in absentia. B Low was in absentia but he came for the commencement buffet lunch after some cajoling and I presented his MABS certificate to him.

My brother's Jubilee Birthday celebrations came and gone in the first week of June. His actual 50th birthday was on 9 Jun 2019. Can't believe that my dearest Kor is already half a century old. Makes me realise mine won't be too far behind, in just another five years' time.

Sis and mum went for a 10-12 day Scandinavia package tour and seemed to have thoroughly enjoyed themselves. The picturesque Scandinavian landscapes must have been quite a sight to behold. When mum and sis touched down from the airport, we visited Auntie L Chin's new home in Ulu Siglap. It was most interesting - there were two bungalows and two semi-detached houses interconnected via internal gates. All newly built up within two years.

Camp ARPC this year was memorable as there were 1234 campers. But for me, I was glad that S and her two girls made it as well. My mum seemed to have enjoyed herself pretty much too, especially the segment where she performed a song on stage with the rest of the MM members. Doris attended and I was able to catch up with Pei Ling and some folks from EAST as well.

June is a relatively quiet month in the office. I just went for a medical appointment at TTSH yesterday. I have quite a few appointments lined up till end of the year. Keeping my fingers crossed that I will learn to manage my physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and financial health better, with God's help.

Easter Weekend

Easter Weekend has just passed by with mum, sis and I travelling to Malacca for the annual visit to my maternal grandparents gravesides and my eldest uncle and grand uncle's gravesides as well. Following the paying of respects, we adjourned to a nearby Chinese restaurant for our family reunion lunch. We had three tables full of relatives from my mum's side of the family. It was really nice to catch up with different ones.

I realised that the niece whom I called Xiaomin is called Li Yong Min and her sister is Li Yong Rou. Her brother's name still kinda escapes me. This Xiaomin is now a business journalist with Nanyang Shangbao. I feel proud of her name. Her husband is an engineer who helps with CCTV system in condominiums or office buildings. They are so grown up now. Also, apparently her dad who had previously run off with another woman had returned home to live with her mum, my cousin. That is good news for their family in some ways.

Auntie June and Uncle MW missed out on the gathering this year. A few years ago, all five siblings were present. That was really nice to see.

On a side note, I restarted a chat group with B and uncle L, with a new group name. :D hopefully, this group chat lasts longer than the last. keeping my toes and fingers crossed.

Today happened to be cousin FF's 60th birthday, while my bro's 50th will be coming up in June. Hoping these two birthday celebrants have a wonderful milestone year and many more lovely years ahead!

Teasing

After I exited the ICB Chat group, then I realised that for most parts, texts sent by B was mostly for teasing me. Still, I was sensitive and riled up by his messages emotionally. After exiting and not texting him for the past two days, I am a lot calmer emotionally. Therefore I guess it was good for me to have exited the chat group. Too much chatter is not good for my soul anyway. Silence is a good spiritual discipline to cultivate. At least, when I am not distracted by all the texting back and forth, I now have more time to journal both online and offline.

It is good for me to process what I am going through emotionally. What is affecting my moods and mental health. That way I can learn how to cultivate better mental habits that will inject more optimism and resilience into my mental state. I need to be emotionally and mentally more resilient as a person.

Mummy is 77

Last Sunday, on 14 April, we celebrated mummy's 77th birthday with a celebration lunch (Teochew Cuisine). Mum and I had Penang Fried Kway Teow in JB for her birthday dinner. For her post-birthday lunch on Monday, we ate well at Beijing Restaurant in JB. I am blessed to have mummy as my companion and friend when she is 77 and I am 44. I am not sure how much longer mum is going to be around with me, so I hope I will not take her for granted for as long as she lives, and for as long as I live.

Last night, I exited from the ICB chat group that I have been in with uncle L and B. I decided I need to protect my heart. Some texts were wounding to my emotions and heart, so I decided to exit the group to better manage my own well-being. I know it is better for my own mental and emotional health in the long run. I pray God gives me more wisdom daily. That God teach me to love myself better so that I am also better to love others better.

New Sheepskin Rug

I bought a $69 grey sheepskin rug from Tampines IKEA last night although my objective in heading there was to look for a suitable shelf. I also bought a pair of oven gloves, a pot holder and a set of children's cutlery, bowls, plates and cups.

Penang Laksa

A grab food delivery of $1 in the late afternoon can surprisingly be a gift of love. Today, B sent over Penang Laksa to me. Even though I had quite a huge packet of fried rice for lunch, I definitely had to dig in to this tub of love, even though I could not quite finish it. Uncle lemon found it amusing too that B would order food for me without me asking and checked with me if B is now my boyfriend. I said he had not asked me to be his girlfriend, so how could he be my boyfriend? hehehe

Just yesterday, Dr R almost seemed to hint that B and I seemed to be in a special relationship. He said I acted like we are in one. I just said I'm just enjoying the friendship while it lasts. No need to take things too seriously or put too much pressure on any relationship for that matter. Most of all, pray that God will guide me as I go through life - however long or short my life may be.

Updates about K

My co-worker just shared some rather distressing news about a mutual friend K. She is an alumna at EAST and had recently gotten married. Quite a number of us from EAST had attended her wedding and were really happy for her. Weddings are joyous occasions to mark the beginnings of a new chapter of one's life after all. Somehow, after having attended so many weddings in my short 44 years, I am beginning to wonder why it is so that weddings are often the height of happiness of one's life as a new chapter begins, and then life kinda goes downhill from there in most cases, before it plateaus and then hopefully picks up in gradient towards another hill of happiness when a healthy baby is born or a house is bought or some other achievement in life unlocks.

K's life seems to have gone downhill since her wedding. Her husband's business failed. She is now experiencing a difficult pregnancy. Both husband and wife needs the Christian community to rally and support them but they are withdrawing from everyone, except a few whom they deem safe. Praying for this dear couple that their faith in God will be purified and grow stronger through these trials of life they are going through. Pray that they will hold firm to their wedding vows, for poorer or richer, and in fact, they are going through the for poorer phase right now. I think it is usually easier to stay together when life is richer, though not always as some do stray when cash is plenty. But the poorer state is also a cause for many to depart. Marriage is a very strange animal. One should not have too much or too little in wealth to have a happy one, I reckon. Then again, what do I know, I am unmarried. :)

1st Post of March

Today is already the first of March. Two months of 2019 have gone by in a twinkle of an eye. Ten months more to go before the year draws to an end. I watched the film, An Interview with God, about a week ago and what struck me from the film was that there is nothing that God cannot forgive us. It strikes a chord in my heart because I know there are many things in my life which I need forgiveness from the Lord. It ranges from daily stuff that happens, a harsh tone of voice with a friend or my mother, a grudge against my sister over the minutest things, to past events which I do not even wish to think about anymore. I am just glad that God knows all my fallenness, yet He accepts me and has nailed my sins to the cross of Christ. Because of what Christ has done, I stand before God white as snow, not because of me, but because of Jesus my Lord.

What a great Saviour I have.

Lord, thank you for your everlasting love for me. Please continue to purify me daily. Amen.